During my centering prayer time lately, I haven't been focusing on any special word. Instead I keep finding myself visualizing that I'm mug. I've been here before, but this round has been going on for about two weeks now.
Initially it went as usual, "God! Fill me up so I can overflow to my family and friends today!" And during any prayer time / study I managed to fit in, I'd find myself thinking as usual, "This time fills me up so I can get through my day."
However, my centering prayer /filling up/ experience is changing, and it's affecting how I see all of my focused time with my god, my whole life even. Over the course of this week the mug has been growing in size, and I keep finding my very Self becoming the ever-thinning sides of the mug, like a straw. Obviously this allows more and more room for I Am to fill me up, but I never get filled to the brim.
When I can tap into Love, then in the middle of the day I find that I still feel like this vessel and I'm still being filled. It's not like I've been filled to the brim in the morning and the level has been going down all day as the contents get used up. Not at all.
My conclusions? If I think I need to get filled by my god to get through the day, I have missed something crucial: I'm not supposed to feel satiated. I'm supposed to constantly feel like I'm being filled, like Love is flowing through me. I don't think my god wants me to ever feel completely filled. I'm supposed to feel a deep need to be filled by Love. I'm supposed to feel that I can never remain filled...without Love constantly pouring.
The more I get comfortable with the idea of becoming a straw, the easier it gets to let go of feeling drained. The more I am like a straw, the easier it is to be loving and give Love form.
