My greatest sadness in life is this: everything is always changing. Don't get me wrong: I like new foods, a new (flattering!) pair of pants, new ideas, a new movie, a new paint in the kitchen. But other kinds of change just suck the life right out of me.
I feel weaker when relationships change. I feel weaker when I watch my kids grow up from one minute to the next. I feel weaker when I leave people behind after a move. I feel weaker when I watch loved ones die and change my life. I feel weaker when this slippery life thing just keeps on going even when I want it to stop, at least for a while.
I find some small comfort in the midst of this weakness when I remember that loss serves to remind me that I had something valuable to begin with. Fr. Corbin Eddy, in Who Knows the Reach of God? says
"...recognize mourning as the other side of love. Developing close relationships is risky business. We mourn only because we treasure the preciousness of that which we have lost. There’s something very human and beautiful about that."
What comforts me in the midst of my losses is believing that God doesn't change. I live with the hope that upon death, this slippery life will settle down.
But what of today, right now? I will hold onto Love as God with all that I am, even when my faith in him fails me. I will cling to Love, I will hold fast to the idea of Love, who is all good. When I struggle with anything at all, I will remind myself that Love never changes. I will let him carry me close. I will rest my heart throughout the day and let him engulf me in his nearness.
